Monday, 13 July 2015

Am I the Worst Mother?

As a stay at home Mam I don't get performance reports on how I'm doing at my job, my pay isn't increased when I've another year done, hang on, I get no pay and I've no colleges to compare notes with.  Instead I base my productivity on how happy my four year old and two year are!  I have two very demanding children polite but demanding, so while they scream from the sitting room,"Mammy I want a drink" its always followed with a "please".  I must be doing something right? Some days are more trying than others as are some weeks . . .

Last week I said to my own Mam "my kids hate me", I've only recently being teaching Little red head that the word 'hate' is a very strong word,  so I am possibly being a bit dramatic?

My days are spent tending to the every whim and need of my two monkeys, there are days where we have a blast and then there is days where it seems like all I'm doing is roaring and screaming.  I want my children to have a voice to know they can come to me with their problems, stories, questions etc,  but there are times where I think I've let them have to much rains.  When Little red head (the four year old) is telling me he's cross with me and Mini miss (the two year old) is saying Mammy bold, I wonder have I done right by them?

I'm not afraid to admit I've tried all types of discipline the step, a slap to the leg, the naughty corner, many many charts the list is endless.  We stopped the naughty corner the day Little red head turned round to his Daddy and said "you bold into the corner", he was two.  There is only two and half years between my two and the youngest one is really starting to find her own and knows how to push the buttons of the four year old.  I try to be balanced when sorting out who pulled who's hair first, but goodness its difficult when she's laughing and he's saying I'm cross at you and stamping and grunting round the room.

The days where I just want to call in sick and I realize my work is at home jumping on my bed saying "pony on" and "paint nails", them days are difficult to just get to pee in peace finish a cup of tea or have a quick chat on the phone uninterrupted.  I know when I'm tired or having a bad day my patience is easily worn those are the days I try staying even more busy, because on the days I don't and I'm tired and the kids are tired the shouting starts and I'm watching the clock till hubby gets home so I can get a breather.

Every week I bake, do art/crafts, go for walks, go on trips, play, read stories and so on.  I just want my two monkeys to be happy, but the days I feel like I'm getting it all wrong I wish I could call a staff meeting in the board room with tea and muffins and hash things out.
No matter how the day has gone it always ends with a story, a kiss good night and "i love you".

Not a days go by that I don't ask myself the question 'am I doing this right?', like "they" say the child doesn't come with a manual.  Last week was difficult and I felt like I was the worst mother and getting it all so wrong, then this happened . . .

It was just like any other day, but in what office would I get to spent this moment with my Mini miss.  I had just painted her face and she said "Mammy turn". In that moment I just felt it's all worth it.