Emotional Red Head
When I found our I was having a baby and we started looking at buggies it was like buying a car it was a mind field, you aren't buying a buggy your investing in a travel system. We test drove many three wheelers, four wheedles, off road, city, jogger, yes I'm still talking about buggies. The coffee table was starting to look like a library for buggy catalogues and I had to many near misses with lamp post from spying at pumped wheels and swivel wheels a decision had to made. So we went with the Quinny buzz in red it came with every attachment possible. I remember it arriving to the house I was like was like a child at Christmas, actually no, I more resembled Santa at the end of Christmas with the big jelly belly, I was week to my due date. The buggy was assembled by myself, hubby isn't very DIY, and it looked fabulous my favourite thing was the carry cot. Being the novice that myself and hubby were with buggies we were convinced that the carry cot was broken, we couldn't get the hood to stay up. We travelled back down to kool kidzs in Sligo https://www.babyaccessories.ie/ and we showed them how the hood was broken. The very kind lady showed us that no it wasn't broken we just weren't clinking it in right! Doh!
A Letter. . .To my fellow Irish Girl Guides, (IGG)
I have had post natal depression since the birth of my little girl over two years now and this time last year leaving the house was a mammoth task for me, I would find any excuse not to go places be it with my family or friends. When I did go up town I'd hide behind the buggy do what I had to do and I'd never go up alone, I would always make sure I had someone with me. Once my husband was at home I would go upstairs alot and just lie in the bed. If I wasn't doing that I would probably be arguing with myself or my husband over nothing, as most days I would cry for no reasons while still trying to be a mammy to two little ones and do all the Mammy things I should be doing. Most days I'd hold it together till my husband would come home then I would just crash, I would hit my wall, some times literally! I am still being treated for Post Natal Depression and my story has so much more to it than this I am just giving you a snippet here. In time I'll write my full story but for now I still find it difficult.
But thanks to IGG and true friends like Siobhan, Stephanie (for giving me the nudge to go for it) and all my IGG ladies a year on I now go to a Ladybird meeting every week which I plan and carry out together with my fellow leaders. My ladybirds make me smile every week they are so polite and funny, when we make buns or cookies one Ladybird says to me "I'll give you the tea but not the bun", love it. At the beginning of the year I took part in the Free Being Me training and then for six weeks I went to the local Guiding Branch to bring the girls through the course. I was made feel so welcome by the girls and leaders, some of whom where my leaders back in the days! I now no longer fear leaving the house I even walked the St Patrick's Parade, secretly I was bricking it but with the IGG gang all around I was fine.
Many people think IGG is all about badges and flags and learning off stuff it's not! I've gone through the ranks from Brownies all the way to Rangers, (now Senior Branch) and now I'm a leader and who knows what in the future. The Irish Girl Guides both as a young girl and a women has made me and helped me to be the person I am today.
Am I the Worst Mammy ?As a stay at home Mam I don't get performance reports on how I'm doing at my job, my pay isn't increased when I've another year done, hang on, I get no pay and I've no colleges to compare notes with. Instead I base my productivity on how happy my four year old and two year are! I have two very demanding children polite but demanding, so while they scream from the sitting room,"Mammy I want a drink" its always followed with a "please". I must be doing something right? Some days are more trying than others as are some weeks . . .
Last week I said to my own Mam "my kids hate me", I've only recently being teaching Little red head that the word 'hate' is a very strong word, so I am possibly being a bit dramatic?
My days are spent tending to the every whim and need of my two monkeys, there are days where we have a blast and then there is days where it seems like all I'm doing is roaring and screaming. I want my children to have a voice to know they can come to me with their problems, stories, questions etc, but there are times where I think I've let them have to much rains. When Little red head (the four year old) is telling me he's cross with me and Mini miss (the two year old) is saying Mammy bold, I wonder have I done right by them?
I'm not afraid to admit I've tried all types of discipline the step, a slap to the leg, the naughty corner, many many charts the list is endless. We stopped the naughty corner the day Little red head turned round to his Daddy and said "you bold into the corner", he was two. There is only two and half years between my two and the youngest one is really starting to find her own and knows how to push the buttons of the four year old. I try to be balanced when sorting out who pulled who's hair first, but goodness its difficult when she's laughing and he's saying I'm cross at you and stamping and grunting round the room.
The days where I just want to call in sick and I realize my work is at home jumping on my bed saying "pony on" and "paint nails", them days are difficult to just get to pee in peace finish a cup of tea or have a quick chat on the phone uninterrupted. I know when I'm tired or having a bad day my patience is easily worn those are the days I try staying even more busy, because on the days I don't and I'm tired and the kids are tired the shouting starts and I'm watching the clock till hubby gets home so I can get a breather.
Every week I bake, do art/crafts, go for walks, go on trips, play, read stories and so on. I just want my two monkeys to be happy, but the days I feel like I'm getting it all wrong I wish I could call a staff meeting in the board room with tea and muffins and hash things out.
No matter how the day has gone it always ends with a story, a kiss good night and "i love you".
Not a days go by that I don't ask myself the question 'am I doing this right?', like "they" say the child doesn't come with a manual. Last week was difficult and I felt like I was the worst mother and getting it all so wrong, then this happened . . .
It was just like any other day, but in what office would I get to spent this moment with my Mini miss. I had just painted her face and she said "Mammy turn". In that moment I just felt it's all worth it.
We've the copies bought the paw patrol lunch box and drinks cup, the lunch containers one of which is a lego movie one; that was a difficult one to find. The pencil case was a big decision but he finally settled on a Minions one for his pencils and the like and a Transformers one for his colours. I've bought three different pencils and two different sketch pads, who knew finding a 40 page sketch book would be so difficult.
Then the major choice was the school bag, at first the request was a transformer one. I searched the shops then the net but anyone I came across was either expensive or to small. As I searched for the perfect school bag my dear friend was across the town on the same search as myself, we spent one night swapping internet pages till alas my friend came across the Disney shop. Now I've already said that some of the bags I had researched already were too expensive so then how had I come to spending in excess of €30 for Little red head bag, well i didn't Nana did, LOL. It is a pretty cool bag it lights up and as an added extra we got Little red heads name stitched on to the strap. When it arrived in the post and LRH Nana gave him the bag the excitement in his face; que more lump swallowing from Mammy. For the rest of the day LRH went everywhere with the new bag on his back and I've put it away twice, but he appears with on his back going round the house saying "look at my bag". The big new school bag dwarfed my little boy, but he was so happy it made me smile and of course do some more lump swallowing.
40 days and counting, where is the time going?